why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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