i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
you told grandpa to call you daddy
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
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