my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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