Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
