"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
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