We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
