we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
True but thats because hes a fetus.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Randomize
