I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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