so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Randomize
