Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize