One girl and one boy is just not enough.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
