are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Randomize
