Don't EVER smell your tampon
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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