If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Randomize
