it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
