I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Randomize
