In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Randomize
