Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
