So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
