Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Randomize
