I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Randomize
