farters have to be the big spoon...
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
