I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
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