Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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