your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
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