the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
