How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. �Hello 29...
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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