Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Randomize
