i don't plan on having that self control this summer
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
