Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
