She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
