im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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