Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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