brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
