Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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