I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
