i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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