The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. �Hello 29...
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
