she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
