ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
