I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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