I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
Randomize
