I got chris browned last night
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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