As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Randomize
