did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
