I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Randomize
