I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Can I color on your dick again?
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
