please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
