thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
Just cropdusted the office
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
