someone threw a dead crab at me
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
