I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Randomize
